Claire's Journey... Raw, Real & Honest. Not for anyone under the age of 18.

Claire Margaret Joined a schizophrenic Facebook group for support ect. Maybe meet some like minded people… I’m not trying to be rude or judgemental with what I’m about to say but i honestly question if majority of the people on this group actually have schizophrenia with some of the things that are said or asked… either that or my experiences with living with schizophrenia are really bad and intense 😳🤷‍♀️😅 like I can’t not take my meds or miss even one depot injection each month because I become so severely unwell that my reality is beyond distorted and at times I get “schizophrenic rage” and always end up in the psych ward in AME which is the acute part security gets called on me everyday multiple times a day I get put into seclusion for hours and injection after injection like I have been physically and chemically restrained so many times when I am unwell and to be honest I can’t even remember half of it I just wake up one day and go where the fuck am I then it’s oh I’m in ...

Claire Margaret Hello... Happy Sunday everyone! Lately I have been reflecting on alot of things in my life such as relationships, who i am as a person (still trying to figure that one out) and how much I have grown in the last 16 months since I decided to uproot my whole entire life and move to the city. I would have to say the most hardest part about moving away from my "friends" and what little family I have left, and I say 'what little family I have left' because i sabotaged multiple relationships with some of my loved ones through my past actions and behaviours and caused alot of heartache and unfortunately I haven't rekindled them as of yet, however I do hold onto hope and pray everyday that with time things will heal and we will come together again... anyways the hardest thing I have found since moving away over a year maybe year and half ago now was learning to sit with loneliness, learning to be in my own company, at first I hated it, now I have days whe...

Claire Margaret Hi, Sadly, 1 in 5 people experience a mental illness each year. This October, I'm walking 40km in One Foot Forward to help Australians impacted by mental illness and suicide. My goal is to raise funds for Black Dog Institute to put ground-breaking new mental health treatment, education, and digital services into the hands of the people who need them most. Please sponsor me and support my 40km challenge: https://www.onefootforward.org.au/fundraisers/clairesweeney Together, we can create better mental health for all Australians. you can also scan this QR code or simply comment on this blog post with your email and i can send you the information and details. Thank you. Claire Hello, it has been a few months since i posted a new blog. I have been so busy working on my mental health and managing my living skills with supports. so about 4 or 5 months ago i got a job but by the third week in i had a mental health relapse. I went into a manic state and my ...

Claire Margaret Long time, no post! sorry about that! I was sick for 2 weeks like actually sick so i was isolating and honestly i have a auto immune disease called "Hashimoto's Disease" so when I get sick I dont half ass it, I actually get real sick! But I came good the end of last week and got to see one of my daughter's play football on mothers day and she did fantastic, this is her 5th year in football as well as my youngest son and my oldest daughter is in her first year of playing footy and she is a natural and dont those footy outfits suit all 3 of them!!! Yesterday I did my usual 6 weekly self care and got my nails done! My attention span was shot yesterday... my ADHD was realy playing up, to sit there through having my nails done was actually extremely difficult to the point where my hands and arms started twitching because I felt like I needed to burst with energy and run in circles or something, normally I am able to force myself to relax and unwind when...

Claire Margaret So at the start of the year i dedicated alot of my time to exercise and just being healthy over all, but in the past 3 weeks i have really slacked off so this week i have gotten back into it again , i will even walk instead of catch the tram if where im going isnt too far away!!! Its something about walking that just releases any stress and tension in the body! I have also started moisturising everyday just like i use too and just.overall beauty regime so im feeling alive!!! Back in January i had some of my medications changed from 20mgs lexapro to 1000mgs of eplim a day to stabilise my moods (eplim is used for seizures or a mood stabiliser for bipolar 1 disorder)when it comes to my bipolar disorder and honestly i feel like i have just started to balance out in the last month which is fantastic and i am proud of myself for sticking it out because normally i would give up and go nope this isnt working and stop taking it, i havnt had any spontaneous manic shopping whic...

Claire Margaret Hello to the people that take the time out to read my blog entries!!! Sorry i didnt post last Thursday, so i will try and make this post worth your while!... Where have i been at in the last 2 weeks??? Well i am still sober! But it hasnt been easy lately because i have been very emotional over a number of things and even have silent cries when i am by myself occasionally. I dont consider myself a very emotional person so to be this emotional lately is kind of weird, like i actually care alot about stuff, things and people even strangers!!! Well the Claire in active addiction isnt emotional she is a piece of work, so maybe this is just me evolving on my journey, considering i was a addict for 15 years or so and now i am 32 years old discovering who i am as a adult person for the first time ever which is weird. Anyways i have been watching alot of tribute videos that loved ones have published about there person they lost through overdose and honestly i just cry and cry a...

Claire Margaret So i just want to address the elephant in the room here... In my last blog post an "anonymous" person decided to leave a very hateful and nasty comment on my blog post and guess what, i am not going to delete it, why? Because if i were to even shed a tear or acknowledge that kind of behaviour in a negative way then what kind of person would i be, especially when anyone and everyone can read it... i have thicker skin than that, i was brought up to believe that words dont mean anything its your actions that speak volumes, however i guess i have my first online troll and thats kind of exciting. You see the thing is that i know my journey and i am not here to bring anyone down or try to belittle anyone... im here to shed some light on addiction and maybe help a loved one understand or maybe even be a safe space for everyone to lean on one another. So anyways just know i have tough skin and a keyboard warrior isnt even give a second too look at however everyone i...

Claire Margaret So I missed out on publishing a new blog post last Thursday and 2 days ago, but I can explain!!! I was having a tough week last week, my bipolar had hit a low, everything was effort, I stopped eating, my unit I live in went to a mess and it was my dad's 2 year death anniversary on the Friday 7th March, I also sunk as low as self-harming super ficially because I believed my unit was haunted and had negative energy and that had transferred into my body so I had to bleed it out probably because I hadn't really taken my medication for 2 weeks, so I ended up in st.vincents psychiatric ward in Melbourne and only got out the other day, so yeah I think that's a good enough explanation as to why I haven't published any new blog posts. So now that we are finally here, where do I begin? What should I talk about this time? I start at RMIT UNIVERSITY of Melbourne in July this year '2025' for 12 months and I have asked myself all year if it's a good ...

Claire Margaret Well long time no speak, where do i begin???? So above me here is my new Logo i created myself as a label that can hopefully grow and become familiar all over the world as if it was a symbol for greatness... and i hope i can bring greatness into amother addicts life, maybe its someone who has hiven up all hope, theyre really at rock bottom and to them it doesnt matter if theyre a mother, father, brother or sister, they just want out because living in active addiction is living in hell!!! Anyways change of topic as I am very tired but this blog post is a little late so i need to make it quick but the fact that i am following through says alot which is a massive thing when you get sober, your word becomes your word and that becomes trustworthy. okay so its coming up 2 years since i found out my dad was dead on his bedroom floor with his door baracaded and a smashed window with the bedroom and everything in it soaked with blood oh and he also had maggots in his body be...

I made it to 118 days clean and sober, woohoo! I am 13 weeks into rehab, I graduate on the 14th December 2023 then stick around until the 9th January 2024, then I am off to another rehab for a further 16 weeks until the end of April 2024. I feel so blessed to have all of these opportunities, I truly feel like I am just starting my life for the first time in 30 years. People at rehab have been commenting on my slight weight loss, ive been eating healthy and exercising everyday so it's about time! I feel great! drugs never made me thin if anything they made me really unfit, atleast now I have some form of a fitness level and muscle tone, im still a big girl but I will get there. I cant believe how well I look compared to when I was on the meth and GHB. I am so proud of myself! I have a plan for after rehab and thats to get a job in a animal shelter or a veterinary clinic, I have started a course in animal care whilst I am in rehab as I am very passionate about animals since I was ...

yesterday I hit 90 days, I can not believe it, I am so proud of myself. The growth in the last 11 months is unbelievable , I don't know when the last time I was 90 days sober, its been years! I just found out that my application for another rehab has been submitted so hopefully I get in and can go straight after I graduate at this rehab in December. To think it was only 11 months ago I was laying in a comba fighting for my life from a almost successful suicide attempt then I went to a mental health treatment centre at the start of the year, dad lost his battle to addiction in march that was devastating i will never forget the moment i found out and how i just broke down and fell to pieces because he was my best friend, then I hit the drugs hard, hardest i ever have to the point where I was at deaths door myself following dad in his footsteps which was the plan then suddenly when I had completely giving up i got into detox then rehab and now 91 days clean and sober like wow! I h...

As of Wednesday I will be 9 weeks into rehab, I have learnt alot about the disease of addiction but most of all i have learnt alot about myself and my self worth has grown. I have learnt that i am a good hearted person and when i put my mind to something there is no stopping me. I have made some awsome friends and am exercising everyday as well as eating healthy regular meals so as you can imagine i feel fantastic! I have also picked up a new hobbies, I now write poems! im currently writing 2 a day in hopes to publish my very own book of poems, I discovered the love of poem writing through being given the opportunity to do a poem for the talent show at rehab, as i wrote my poem for rehab it just flowed naturally and now has become apart of my everyday life. I don't ever see myself turning to drugs again but you never know when you are an addict, one thing about being an addict is you can never let your guard down because that is when the disease of addiction will strike. I attend...

I havnt posted in a while but life has turned around for the better and is so wonderful now! I am proud to be clean and sober since 27th July 2023 which is when I entered detox. The first 3 days were the hardest I have ever done at one point I was hunched over in the nurses room with one rubbing stuff into my neck another getting me to sniff Tiger balm oil while another got me valiums and anti nausea tablets, but I made it through however I will never forget that experience, I much would have rather had the flu however I needed to go through it, I spent 11 days in detox. Now im in rehab for the next 16 weeks and I love it here, the wild life is amazing, im so happy and I wake up super early everyday , im always smiling. The program is full on but I can handle it and they love me here, ive been giving good feedback my case manager told me that im a big personality and to remember that not everyone is like me and that sometimes I need to tone it down a bit haha, I literally make eve...

Its been a while since my last blog post and im going to keep this one short. So good news, Im going to detox in a week, that means I just have to stay alive for one more week. I became a priority when I started having blackouts/passing out without warning, apparently its not a good sign, basically means your body has had enough. In detox they take your phone, so for 8 days I will be without a phone whilst I have the biggest come down of my life. I miss my kids so much but i have a plan to get them back. When I look at myself i can see I look sick or something, lately I have felt as though im walking on a fine line between death and living, its a weird feeling and I've never felt like that before. I pray i don't die. Last week I had to get a ECG on my heart and a blood test, my heart wasn't right but im not surprised , i went to one place for the blood test and the woman nearly cried when she looked at my arms and saw all the bruises and track marks all over my arms, she ...

I havnt posted a blog in i think maybe a week, mainly because I tried to detox for a few days on my own with my mates help and encouragement and let me just say it was not pretty, I had a severe anxiety attack at one point and just cried for 3 hours straight just hating on myself and my life, thinking about my children and my family and what they must be going through, I havnt seen them in 6 or 7 weeks now. My family don't even bother to ring me anymore because they know I probably won't answer so they text me instead which im much more comfortable with, but yesterday my amazing and very beautiful nan who means the whole friggin world to me rocked up at my door after not seeing me for a month and half and obviously I had to answer the door because I couldn't turn anyone away let alone my own family, I opened the door and there was my little nan standing there on the other side with a look of sadness in her face and eyes and she said "I just needed to see you" an...

Last night I had a breakdown, I thought about my kids, I thought about my dad and I thought about my family. I just sobbed and sobbed for hours, I wanted to die. I had my mate with me and I just let it all out, I cried and said I couldn't stick one more needle in my arm or take one more plunge of juice (GHB) , he told me if that's what I wanted then I can do it, that he will be there for me over the next few days while I come down. I was so sure I was going to end my life last nigh because I was truly done. Day 1 and I feel like im going to throw up, shit myself, the sweats have started , my body hurts , my skin hurts and my head feels like its been bashed in. I can do this I just need to get through this. I couldn't wait to go to detox , I felt as though I was dying each time I shot up drugs, I truly didn't think I was going go make it to detox so im doing it now.

As i look down at my arm im reminded not to give up. As i look into my eyes I see nothing but pain and misery. I have nothing in my life anynore because that's what this drug does. Today I was told im not allowed to see my children or have video calls with them but am able to have the occasional phone call with them as long as my sister thinks im fit too, because they want me to go to detox and rehab first, so it's going to be a really long time until I see my babies and I havbt quite got my head around that because it hurts so much, its my baby girls 10th birthday in a few weeks and she's going to be absolutely shattered because we had her birthday all planned out we even went online shopping with shein and ordered matching dresses, now I just feel like I've ruined her birthday. Like wow look what I've put my kids through in the last 7 months, back in December I tried to take my life by overdosing on muscle relaxants and ended up in a comba on life support, then...

This isn't really a blog entry that anyone who has an emotional connection and loves me should read as its probably going to be a bit too raw and confronting. The first photo is my Facebook page for 'Recovering Loud and Proud' please follow me if you're interested in my journey or seeking support yourself or whatever reason other then negativity... I also have my merchandise ive created but yet to be made as I'm waiting to see if this all kicks off and I can build a online community/online family across the world where we can go and vent without judgement, share ideas, offer support ect. As for the second photo, I find to be a little confronting. This is a photo I can't remember taking sometime last week. I guess i wanted to see how i looked straight after i had a shot of meth. Its not a pretty site, this is me at some stupid hour of the night meeting up with a dealer outside a car wash to score in another suburb and then pulling down a deserted street wei...

Its been a little over 3 months since dad passed while under the influence. In the beginning i spoke to myself and promised i wouldn't turn to drugs like i did when pop passed away infront of me. I was hanging in there for a while and even got myself clean at one point but the panic attacks, hurt, anger, sadness, regret, it all just got to much and kept eating me up inside, the nightmares began and everyday things became harder and harder. The thought crossed my mind so many times to just fuck off from everyone and hit the drugs hard to numb what I was feeling and stop these panic attacks that took alot out of me, it was exhausting, but I hung in there as long as i could and then i just couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't handle the pain I was feeling and its such a complicated grief because my dad battled addiction and mental health and occasionally over the years we dabbled in drugs, it was only ever marijuana until i pushed him to relapse on ice a couple months befor...

Last Thursday I was brought into hospital by somebody I'd been hanging out with because mentally I had shut down, I hardly remember it, I just remember the psych nurse saying they were holding me for crisis containment, I ended up being in there for 4 or 5 days, they detoxed me and I slept for days, coming down was horrible but they were feeding me so much valium and anti psychotics. Tonight I spoke to my children for the first time in 3 weeks and my daughters got upset on the phone and that shattered me but I expected it. I've promised I will speak to them by phone every night, ive also cleaned my house and done 3 loads of washing so im proud of myself there. im about to write down all the goals I want to achieve, I may not care or love myself but my children need me and I can't keep letting them down. I hope and pray that rehab is just around the corner, im so ready to turn my back on this lifestyle of drugs and crime, I just want a normal life again, like how it use ...