Claire Margaret
Hello... Happy Sunday everyone!
Lately I have been reflecting on alot of things in my life such as relationships, who i am as a person (still trying to figure that one out) and how much I have grown in the last 16 months since I decided to uproot my whole entire life and move to the city. I would have to say the most hardest part about moving away from my "friends" and what little family I have left, and I say 'what little family I have left' because i sabotaged multiple relationships with some of my loved ones through my past actions and behaviours and caused alot of heartache and unfortunately I haven't rekindled them as of yet, however I do hold onto hope and pray everyday that with time things will heal and we will come together again... anyways the hardest thing I have found since moving away over a year maybe year and half ago now was learning to sit with loneliness, learning to be in my own company, at first I hated it, now I have days where I crave it and feel like I need to be alone and just have my own space to self-reflect ect. Anyways my point being is that now after feeling like I have spent this year achieveing alot of personal growth, I now feel as though I am ready to move onto the next chapter of my life and I already have some sort of idea of how I want this to look and how I hope for it to play out. So basically I am calling '2026' my year of healing! In 9 days from today I will be packing up my things and giving up my unit in the city to go stay at a inpatient treatment centre for 8 weeks- 12 months to address my internal issues and also to address my trauma and focus a little on my mental health which might I just add my mental health has been controlled now for the last 7 or 8 months now since they started me on the monthly paliperidone depot injection to treat and manage my schizophrenia, this is the longest I have stayed out of psych hospital since I was a teenager and everyone is always mentioning to me how much better I am and how shocked they are to see me doing so well for once and to be honest at times even I feel like I need to pinch myself, in the beginning it was a little unfamilar but I have began to get my feels branching out getting comfortbale in this stability I now have and never thought I woud achieve, it's just a shame it didn't come sooner all those years ago when I had my children with me. Anyways so basically I am going away to embark on a healing journey and if it takes the full 12 months then so be it, I only plan on doing this once, I don't want to half ass it, get out and then realise I left to soon then need to go through the whole process again, this is it for me... it's as simple as i'm going to be healing and coming to terms with things in a safe, secure and supported environment even further away from my loved ones and then I can hopefully come out the other side a better person who is genuinely happy in this life and either become a drug and alcohol worker or work with animals in adoption centres or animal shelters and just live like a normal human being for once instead of being so dysfunctional in this life, like I am going to be 33 next month in January 25th (Day before Australia Day) like I don't have time for any unwanted bullshit in my life anymore. I know I have said it before but I am going to start posting more blog entries in the new year, so follow me on my healing journey in '2026'. Now I actually have a proper keyboard and bigger screen to create these blog posts, where as before I was doing it on my phone and it honestly took me so friggin long to write one of these posts, but now it's quick and easy, I literally became better with my money and invested in a device specifically for my blog because I enjoy blogging and plan to do more of it.
Okay toodaloo, Talk again soon,
Love Claire!
Xxx
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