Claire Margaret
Well long time no speak, where do i begin???? So above me here is my new Logo i created myself as a label that can hopefully grow and become familiar all over the world as if it was a symbol for greatness... and i hope i can bring greatness into amother addicts life, maybe its someone who has hiven up all hope, theyre really at rock bottom and to them it doesnt matter if theyre a mother, father, brother or sister, they just want out because living in active addiction is living in hell!!!
Anyways change of topic as I am very tired but this blog post is a little late so i need to make it quick but the fact that i am following through says alot which is a massive thing when you get sober, your word becomes your word and that becomes trustworthy.
okay so its coming up 2 years since i found out my dad was dead on his bedroom floor with his door baracaded and a smashed window with the bedroom and everything in it soaked with blood oh and he also had maggots in his body because he had been there dead on that floor for up to 3 days according to the autopsy report... he also had alot of methamphetamine and alcohol in his system, which isnt surprising, but anyways what a way to go out...he would have died not knowing what was happening to him.In the last 6 months i have let go of almost all of the anger i have towards my dad, it use to be so bad that i couldn't talk about it because i didn't know how and i just wanted to be with him and my pop in heaven, now i love my life.
So anyways lets do a quick run through of my life in the past 2 years... i was in active addiction heavily back in 2023, i ended up goin to detox for 11 days in August 2023 i think, and then 2 weeks later i went to inpatient rehab for 16 weeks at the basin, then i ended up in the psych ward at maroondah hospital then from there i went to APARC for 4 weeks then i went to a all womens rehab called bridgehaven and then i discharged myself after 8 weeks... i got home managed to stay sober couple months but i ended up relapsing but this time it was 'juice' really really bad so GHB and i was blowing out 1-3 times a day so blowing out is a term used for when your overdosing on it... nobody got me help... it was to a point where people were saying one of my pupils in my eyes expanded while the other stayed little so i should stop taking the juice, and another said they thought i was having silent seizures, well i would wake up at times not knowing how i got in that spot and my toungue would hurt and be swollen on one side as though ive had a small seizure or something and my ex who was living with me at the time would take videos of me while i was off my face struggling to stand or open my eyes swaying and everyone just thought what a great time i was always making people laugh by doing something stupid like put my gold fish into a big glass whenever someone came to visit and i would take it over to them or the time i had a "friend" over and there was a huntsman spider and this spider told me it was starving to death and needed apples so i cut up apple and pinned it to the wall all around the spider, im amazed that it didnt jump on me because i was pretty close.... anyways on August 21st 2024, i called for help! i called the mental health triage because i was going to take my life not realising that apart of my issue was that id ran out if GHB so i was having massive withdrawals in just a matter of 15 hours of not having it and thats the harshness of GHB the body becomes addicted very quickly... so the police turned up and then my nan did and they sat with me until the ambulance came, i spent 1 week in psych on 80mgs valium a day just to stop the shaking from withdrawing. i got out and went to stay with my nan and by i think day 2 i was running through her house yelling and screaming in a dissasocitive state i felt out of my body, then next minute i was kneeling down smoking my cigarettes like it was my last breathe, i went through half a pack just from kneeling down in that one spot... anuways my nan had to call the police because apparently i was threatening to jump infront of a train or a car i dont know i just remember there being 4 police officers and me trying to fight them while they got me onto the ambulance bed and then put the restraints on so i couldnt escape... eventually i got taken to Frankston hospital and i didnt know what was happening it was like i was stuck in a daze, i ended up running out of the hospital with no shoes and i called my brother in law and told him that i was going to either jump infront of a train or a car, he didnt really believe me, as my sister says "claire does not make threats of suicide, she just does them" which is very true but i have to be really messed up to be like that, anyways so i jumped infront of a car, got knocked out long enough for the driver to be kneeling down beside me i had blood coming out of my mouth, my knee was stuffed still is stuffed 5 months later and my stomach just hurt so bad... the ambulance came and i got taken back to frankston hospital put under 24/7 watch until they put me back into psych... So i got out of hospital eventually but i started to want more for my life , i just felt like i had to get away from the area away from everyone i knew and just start off somewhere else and it was scary because the kind of shift in change i was looking for was quite big! so i thought fuck it, if i stay here i will die here, so i gave up everything with my families help and my stuff has been in storage ever since and i lived in a refugee for homeless in Brunswick which is up Melbourne city way and then i went to another refugee in Ashwood which is the suburb outside of the city and now i live in the oh so amazing Melbourne city in a small unit next to the police station, in a really nice area where you never see a deug addict walk thw streets here and i have trams right outaide my door as well as all the shops i need and my fitness is up which is fantastic, i walk everywhere and i mean everywhere!!! i didnt know life was going to take a turn for the best like it has but something had to give and i guess me leaving was me saying "i surrender" and today i am 6 months 7 days clean!. its now 2am in the morning but i had to write and post this blog because i want to stay consistent with everything i do in life and if that means write and publish a blog entry airing out my life and offering advice from my perspective or from something i have gone through in hopes that it helps someone out there, even if i just reached 1 person a day or a week then i would still be happy with that.
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