Skip to main content

Im at the end

Its been a while since my last blog post and im going to keep this one short. So good news, Im going to detox in a week, that means I just have to stay alive for one more week. I became a priority when I started having blackouts/passing out without warning, apparently its not a good sign, basically means your body has had enough. In detox they take your phone, so for 8 days I will be without a phone whilst I have the biggest come down of my life. I miss my kids so much but i have a plan to get them back. When I look at myself i can see I look sick or something, lately I have felt as though im walking on a fine line between death and living, its a weird feeling and I've never felt like that before. I pray i don't die. Last week I had to get a ECG on my heart and a blood test, my heart wasn't right but im not surprised , i went to one place for the blood test and the woman nearly cried when she looked at my arms and saw all the bruises and track marks all over my arms, she wanted to hug me and just couldn't take blood for me so I had to go to the hospital and if they couldn't get it from my arms then it would have to come from my leg or foot... when I got in my car I cried, I was reminded as to why I've been avoiding my family for the last few months. Thankfully I was overweight before all of this started so all the weight ive lost has actually been a benefit and I don't look unhealthy.My tolerance to methamphetamine is ridiculous, I go through a half ball every 2 days, that's 14 points, I go through about 15ml-20ml of juice a day and I've just started smoking marijuana again to try cut back on the more harsh drugs, how im alive I do not know... to make things worse i constantly carry methamphetamine on me, its always down my top and I carry 3 different strains because sometimes I mix them together when I have a shot just so I can feel something although that is very deadly, i even sleep with it like thats messed up, if I don't have it on me at all times I get severe anxiety. Tomorrow im actually going to see my mum, we are going to Phillip Island , im actually looking forward to it,although I know I will start to feel shit because I wouldn't of had any drugs, I havnt spent time with my mum for what feels like forever, so it is needed. Xxx

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

118 days

I made it to 118 days clean and sober, woohoo! I am 13 weeks into rehab, I graduate on the 14th December 2023 then stick around until the 9th January 2024, then I am off to another rehab for a further 16 weeks until the end of April 2024. I feel so blessed to have all of these opportunities, I truly feel like I am just starting my life for the first time in 30 years. People at rehab have been commenting on my slight weight loss, ive been eating healthy and exercising everyday so it's about time! I feel great! drugs never made me thin if anything they made me really unfit, atleast now I have some form of a fitness level and muscle tone, im still a big girl but I will get there. I cant believe how well I look compared to when I was on the meth and GHB. I am so proud of myself! I have a plan for after rehab and thats to get a job in a animal shelter or a veterinary clinic, I have started a course in animal care whilst I am in rehab as I am very passionate about animals since I was
Post a Comment
Read more

90 days!

yesterday I hit 90 days, I can not believe it, I am so proud of myself. The growth in the last 11 months is unbelievable , I don't know when the last time I was 90 days sober, its been years! I just found out that my application for another rehab has been submitted so hopefully I get in and can go straight after I graduate at this rehab in December. To think it was only 11 months ago I was laying in a comba fighting for my life from a almost successful suicide attempt then I went to a mental health treatment centre at the start of the year, dad lost his battle to addiction in march that was devastating i will never forget the moment i found out and how i just broke down and fell to pieces because he was my best friend, then I hit the drugs hard, hardest i ever have to the point where I was at deaths door myself following dad in his footsteps which was the plan then suddenly when I had completely giving up i got into detox then rehab and now 91 days clean and sober like wow! I h
Post a Comment
Read more

New beginnings

I havnt posted in a while but life has turned around for the better and is so wonderful now! I am proud to be clean and sober since 27th July 2023 which is when I entered detox. The first 3 days were the hardest I have ever done at one point I was hunched over in the nurses room with one rubbing stuff into my neck another getting me to sniff Tiger balm oil while another got me valiums and anti nausea tablets, but I made it through however I will never forget that experience, I much would have rather had the flu however I needed to go through it, I spent 11 days in detox. Now im in rehab for the next 16 weeks and I love it here, the wild life is amazing, im so happy and I wake up super early everyday , im always smiling. The program is full on but I can handle it and they love me here, ive been giving good feedback my case manager told me that im a big personality and to remember that not everyone is like me and that sometimes I need to tone it down a bit haha, I literally make eve
2 comments
Read more