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Im at the end

Its been a while since my last blog post and im going to keep this one short. So good news, Im going to detox in a week, that means I just have to stay alive for one more week. I became a priority when I started having blackouts/passing out without warning, apparently its not a good sign, basically means your body has had enough. In detox they take your phone, so for 8 days I will be without a phone whilst I have the biggest come down of my life. I miss my kids so much but i have a plan to get them back. When I look at myself i can see I look sick or something, lately I have felt as though im walking on a fine line between death and living, its a weird feeling and I've never felt like that before. I pray i don't die. Last week I had to get a ECG on my heart and a blood test, my heart wasn't right but im not surprised , i went to one place for the blood test and the woman nearly cried when she looked at my arms and saw all the bruises and track marks all over my arms, she wanted to hug me and just couldn't take blood for me so I had to go to the hospital and if they couldn't get it from my arms then it would have to come from my leg or foot... when I got in my car I cried, I was reminded as to why I've been avoiding my family for the last few months. Thankfully I was overweight before all of this started so all the weight ive lost has actually been a benefit and I don't look unhealthy.My tolerance to methamphetamine is ridiculous, I go through a half ball every 2 days, that's 14 points, I go through about 15ml-20ml of juice a day and I've just started smoking marijuana again to try cut back on the more harsh drugs, how im alive I do not know... to make things worse i constantly carry methamphetamine on me, its always down my top and I carry 3 different strains because sometimes I mix them together when I have a shot just so I can feel something although that is very deadly, i even sleep with it like thats messed up, if I don't have it on me at all times I get severe anxiety. Tomorrow im actually going to see my mum, we are going to Phillip Island , im actually looking forward to it,although I know I will start to feel shit because I wouldn't of had any drugs, I havnt spent time with my mum for what feels like forever, so it is needed. Xxx

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