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Broken Down and Tired

im broke down and tired, I had a couple of days where I relapsed and I hit it pretty hard, at one point my chest ached, my heart had palpitations but that didn't stop me, what's another shot of meth right? I passed out 3 times. My body can't take it anymore, it scares the hell out of me but yet I keep going back to it and I don't know why. I'm so ready to just cut everyone off because maybe it's better that way, nobody will have to see the aftermath of my relapse. I havnt even seen my kids in nearly 2 weeks, I sit there going through my videos and pictures on my phone of the kids and the tears just flow as my heart shatters even more, I don't think anyone actually realises how much it shatters me and rips me apart not having my kids, they all probably just think im some unstable junkie. I don't even like being high, I do it the most dangerous way, i inject methamphetamine and I inject lethal amounts, I know its disgusting, it makes me feel sick, dizzy, disorientated occasionally I pass out or sometimes my eyes feel like they're rolling into the back of my head but it doesn't stop me, it scares me, I need help before i die, inside im broken and in pain. Im on the wait list for inpatient rehab. What i don't need is for the ones who are suppose to love me put me down, tell me im ridiculous or to show up to my kids football so my kids can see what kind of state im in, that kind of shit breaks me down and makes me feel like Im just some disappointment and everyone's better of without me. Xxx

Comments

  1. AnonymousJune 4, 2023 at 9:46 PM

    Never give up Claire I know who you can be and she is still in the I know it can't be easy but you can find her

    ReplyDelete

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