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Unrecognisable

I don't even recognise myself anymore, tonight im really thinking about changing my life, I just can't seem to pull myself out of this negative self talk that I give myself... how do i go from having goals and shit to just being a full blown junkie, its like im not even the same person its like someone else invaded my body a week ago and just took over. My left nostril is constantly bleeding because my nose is cracked from all the drugs, I put makeup on to cover the sores, my stomach hurts because I don't know when my last meal was, like nothing about this is good so why the fuck am I doing this shit for honestly, it doesn't make sense, its the definition of insanity. I got 3 years sober once and I know i can do it again i just got to figure out how, I look around as i sit there and we all pass the pipe and think look at us, we got nothing, why are we all doing this, I see people juicy as fuck and all over the place getting naked and shit and think this isn't normal right? like ive realised i need to somehow remove myself because its the only chance I got at getting my life sorted, I just think about my mother and how she must lay her head down at night wondering if she's going to still have a daughter when she wakes up or my kids wondering where there mum is, like im sick of this shit it could be a few weeks until I get into detox yet and more until I get into rehab but I need to remove myself now, this isn't a life. How can I help people when I can't even help myself at this point.

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