I don't even recognise myself anymore, tonight im really thinking about changing my life, I just can't seem to pull myself out of this negative self talk that I give myself... how do i go from having goals and shit to just being a full blown junkie, its like im not even the same person its like someone else invaded my body a week ago and just took over. My left nostril is constantly bleeding because my nose is cracked from all the drugs, I put makeup on to cover the sores, my stomach hurts because I don't know when my last meal was, like nothing about this is good so why the fuck am I doing this shit for honestly, it doesn't make sense, its the definition of insanity. I got 3 years sober once and I know i can do it again i just got to figure out how, I look around as i sit there and we all pass the pipe and think look at us, we got nothing, why are we all doing this, I see people juicy as fuck and all over the place getting naked and shit and think this isn't normal right? like ive realised i need to somehow remove myself because its the only chance I got at getting my life sorted, I just think about my mother and how she must lay her head down at night wondering if she's going to still have a daughter when she wakes up or my kids wondering where there mum is, like im sick of this shit it could be a few weeks until I get into detox yet and more until I get into rehab but I need to remove myself now, this isn't a life. How can I help people when I can't even help myself at this point.
I made it to 118 days clean and sober, woohoo! I am 13 weeks into rehab, I graduate on the 14th December 2023 then stick around until the 9th January 2024, then I am off to another rehab for a further 16 weeks until the end of April 2024. I feel so blessed to have all of these opportunities, I truly feel like I am just starting my life for the first time in 30 years. People at rehab have been commenting on my slight weight loss, ive been eating healthy and exercising everyday so it's about time! I feel great! drugs never made me thin if anything they made me really unfit, atleast now I have some form of a fitness level and muscle tone, im still a big girl but I will get there. I cant believe how well I look compared to when I was on the meth and GHB. I am so proud of myself! I have a plan for after rehab and thats to get a job in a animal shelter or a veterinary clinic, I have started a course in animal care whilst I am in rehab as I am very passionate about animals since I was
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