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Tough Day Emotionally

 Where do I begin... today I really struggled not so much with my addiction but more so my mental health. I broke down to the point where I was hyperventilating and suicide crossed my mind. I have alot going on in my life and I not only battle addiction but I also battle mental health. I won't go into much detail as im just not up for it right now because I feel emotionally drained, but in due time I will eventually share not only my diagnosis,  mental health struggles and the fact im grieving a huge loss of someone I loved and leaned on alot. 


However I am aware that emotionally im not doing to well and hoping im not headed for a mental health relapse but I am also very vulnerable right now for  relapse so I need to try and be more self aware, since the age of 16 when my addiction first began my coping mechanism has been to shut down and ignore the ones who love me and just get high but that's not really coping is it, im sure eventually I will get use to sitting with my feelings, right now its just hard, everything's hard but I need to stick it out and hope for a better day tomorrow.

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