Claire's Journey , the struggles, the easy days... The reality

Its been a while since my last blog post and im going to keep this one short. So good news, Im going to detox in a week, that means I just have to stay alive for one more week. I became a priority when I started having blackouts/passing out without warning, apparently its not a good sign, basically means your body has had enough. In detox they take your phone, so for 8 days I will be without a phone whilst I have the biggest come down of my life. I miss my kids so much but i have a plan to get them back. When I look at myself i can see I look sick or something, lately I have felt as though im walking on a fine line between death and living, its a weird feeling and I've never felt like that before. I pray i don't die. Last week I had to get a ECG on my heart and a blood test, my heart wasn't right but im not surprised , i went to one place for the blood test and the woman nearly cried when she looked at my arms and saw all the bruises and track marks all over my arms, she

I havnt posted a blog in i think maybe a week, mainly because I tried to detox for a few days on my own with my mates help and encouragement and let me just say it was not pretty, I had a severe anxiety attack at one point and just cried for 3 hours straight just hating on myself and my life, thinking about my children and my family and what they must be going through, I havnt seen them in 6 or 7 weeks now. My family don't even bother to ring me anymore because they know I probably won't answer so they text me instead which im much more comfortable with, but yesterday my amazing and very beautiful nan who means the whole friggin world to me rocked up at my door after not seeing me for a month and half and obviously I had to answer the door because I couldn't turn anyone away let alone my own family, I opened the door and there was my little nan standing there on the other side with a look of sadness in her face and eyes and she said "I just needed to see you" an